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THE VT » Blog Archive » Why Rock Band (X360) Sucks

Why Rock Band (X360) Sucks


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So everyone is hailing Rock Band as the second coming of Jesus and a “breath of fresh air” into the increasingly stale Guitar Hero super-mega-franchise. The problem is the game is a huge fucking ripoff and the part that made GH fun (the lead guitar) has been completely dumbed down, along with a host of other fucking problems that plague the fucking game. Now, let me fucking explain:


1. Too many motherfucking wires
Remember that controversy with Microsoft not allowing anyone to make a 3rd party wireless guitar? Yeah, and remember how Guitar Hero 3 came with a wireless fucking guitar? One would assume this means that the Rock Band guitar would be wireless, considering it is on PS3. Fuck no. In addition to the guitar being wired, you have the drums, mic, 2nd guitar, and to top it all fucking off, a USB port. Not only do you have to plug it into the 360, you also get to plug it into the wall! So the count is at motherfucking six additional wires coming out of your XBOX to play this fucking game.

2. The guitar sucks
Anyone who praises the Rock Band guitar must be a god at this game because as soon as I begin to use it, I can’t play songs as good as the GH2 guitar. For one thing, the stupid monstrosity is about twice the size. The flat buttons make it impossible for me to differentiate as which one I’m holding. The “solo” frets at the bottom are awkwardly spaced, making it impossible to remember where I am when I have to slide around to play notes. The whammy bar is also way too large, and takes twice the effort to use. So, basically, every design feature of the guitar that was supposed to be an “improvement” ended up sucking.

3. The song list is tiny
Now everyone knew long in advance that Rock Band would be expensive. However it wasn’t until a couple days after I owned the game that I realized I just got financially ass-raped. For $180 you get a shitty guitar, drums, and a mic. The song selection is very small and will get old very fast. So that means you basically must purchase DLC to keep this game interesting. As if it wasn’t fucking expensive enough anyway.

4. The guitar parts suck
I call this the “pussification” of Guitar Hero. Play the same song from GH on Rock Band and it will always be easier on RB. The guitar sections feel repetitive and far too easy, I found myself beating songs on Expert on day one of owning this game.

5. The retarded fucking profile system that was designed by morons
Want to make your own custom band? It’s easy! All you need to do is create each member in band tour mode, then make an Xbox Live profile for every band member. Make sure to sign in on each controller, with the proper profile, at the proper time. This gets extremely fucking annoying that the “instrument” has to be signed in to use a custom band member, especially you want to switch characters. Did I mention on PS3 YOU CAN JUST SIGN IN WITHOUT MAKING FOUR DIFFERENT PROFILES?

So is anything good about this overpriced hunk of fucking plastic? Well, all bullshit aside, the 4-player experience is fun. Rock Band is a perfect example of a game that’s good if your friend owns it.

5/10

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11 Responses to “Why Rock Band (X360) Sucks”

  1. pork ninja Says:

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    awesome review

  2. fewr Says:

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    1. The decision of wired/wireless adaptors is not just a wireless? yes/no switch.
    2.Your incompetence is not the game’s fault.
    3.A hardcore gamer that doesn’t check general specs of a product before he buys? The song list was announced months in advance, so you really have no excuse; furthermore, it’s got cowbell.
    4.In number two you were saying that you’re an idiot and can’t play the guitar properly, now you’re saying you’ve beaten all songs in expert.
    5.Is that RB’s problem or Xbox Live’s problem?

  3. Morrissey Says:

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    I found the guitar to be more comfortable to play than the GH ones. the wammy bar was proportionate to that of a real guitar’s, and thus I was able to play the game in more-or-less the same technique I use when playing guitar.

  4. brokenglass Says:

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    1. Not even close to the bitch of setting up a real live band and I’ll take anything that is closer the experience than farther away. I remember that my friends and I were joking about how we were almost enjoying the experience of setting up the stuff because it reminded us of when a band sets up their gear for their battle of the bands set. Do you have any idea how much that stuff would’ve cost if it was all wireless and how difficult it would be for it all to sync up? It’s already hell when doing a 360 lan.

    2. I guess I’m a god at the game. The strum bar is somewhat more difficult to manage at times but I can live with that compared to the real thing. The GH controllers always felt like tiny toys which ruined the experience for me. I always wanted to look away from the controller because it looked so ridiculous. I love that the new one is gigantic. And news flash but a real guitar has more than 5 frets and they aren’t coloured. That’s one of the examples of the “you just suck at the game” business.

    3. boo hoo

    4. So what if they’re easier? It’s about having fun with your friends and GH3 just added a bunch of notes that were difficult just for the sake of being difficult. If all you wanted was an uber challenging 5 fret button strum bar rhythm experience then you should’ve been playing Guitar Freaks a decade ago.

    5. Welcome to nearly every 360 game out there.

  5. Renaults Says:

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    I enjoyed the game, and I actually play guitar. STFU

  6. Phlash Says:

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    I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.

  7. Cake Says:

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    fuck all of you for taking this so SRSLY.

  8. metachronos Says:

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    I actually agree with all the points made here but the I still like the game.

  9. synge Says:

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    i agree this is why i bum the game off my friends. kthx

  10. Morrissey Says:

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    sage

  11. mexican Says:

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    where is the wii rock band.. lulz

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