You know those moments in life where you don’t have anything or anyone to do, your ex-girlfriend keeps calling you telling you how many cocks she took last night, and you can’t even manage to ask out the adorably jewish girl who probably has a thing for you? Yeah, me too. But that’s alright, because you set up little projects to keep your mind off of these things, at least until the opportunity to get os fkucing durnk comes around. “What type of little projects will keep my mind off of the many times love has turned me away, yea, though I come a-knocking on its door every night, just to catch a glimpse of its shining face?” you ask. Well, how about hooking your Wii Remote up to your PC so you can enjoy the closest thing to affection you’ll ever know in the form of a wireless gamepad with motion-sensing and infrared-seeing support?

I know there are about twelve million sites out there that give tutorials on how to do so, but they are written by dumbfucks who have no concept of accessibility. Their instructions are usually along the lines of “Buy a Wiimote, express the value of Planck’s constant as a binary value, recite Pi to a million decimals, and make love to a beautiful woman. Simple.” But it’s not that simple, and no one will ever understand you, or how not-simple it is. But I do. I’m always here for you, and will hold your hand and snuggle with you through every step.

Snuggle, and let Seifer teach you »